From 23 Stone to the Start Line
I’ve always been fat. Or at least I have for as long as I can remember.
I trace it back to 1979 when I stole a full box of Topic bars from Bisco’s and hid them in our shed like some sort of chocolate smuggler. Mother found them. Her solution? Make me eat as many as I could until I was sick. Proper-sized bars in those days too, not the shrinkflation nonsense. I got through eight before redecorating the carpet. I was sent to bed while she dealt with the aftermath.
I never stole chocolate again. So, parenting win.
Playground Years
What followed were years of playground charm. “Fatty.” “Fat c*nt.” Add being blind in one eye and wearing National Health specs and you can imagine the level of wit on display. “Four eyes” was the favourite. On a good day it was that. On most days it was the full poetic version, “Speccy four-eyed fat cn*t,” launched across the playground like it deserved a BAFTA.
When I pointed out that, technically, with limited vision in the left eye I was more like “two and a bit eyes,” that earned me a few punches for being lippy. Turns out factual accuracy is not highly valued in a scrap.
Fast forward a few decades and some people still shout “ROW-LAND!” at me. Yes, the lad from Grange Hill. They think it’s hilarious. I don’t.
The Wake-Up Call
By 2021 I was nudging 23 stone. That was the line.
I lost six and a half stone. Then, because I’m clearly a tactical genius, I put four and a bit back on. By July or August 2025 I was around 20 stone and needed something stronger than good intentions.
So I signed up for a triathlon.
As of 21st February I’m exactly 18 stone. The weight is moving in the right direction. The comments have shifted from digs to compliments. More importantly, I feel better. Lighter physically and mentally.
The Training So Far
Training started on December 1st. Here’s how it’s stacking up:
December
Swimming: 0.65 miles
Cycling: 28.17 miles
Walking: 13.87 miles
January
Swimming: 0.65 miles
Cycling: 88.71 miles
Walking: 13.89 miles
February
Swimming: 1.12 miles
Cycling: 170.40 miles
Walking: 1.69 miles
The cycling numbers are climbing nicely. The swimming is improving. The walking has clearly had a word with itself.
Next Sunday, 1st March, I attempt my first ever run. It won’t be far. I’ve bought proper running shoes so at least from the knees down I’ll look like I know what I’m doing.
Why I’m Doing This
Yes, weight control is part of it. But it’s also about raising funds for Felixstowe Radio.
We have brilliant sponsors, advertisers and supporters who keep the station going. I never take that for granted. I was brought up to believe that if you want something to work, you put the graft in yourself.
So I’ve set a target of £5,000.
The triathlon is one part of that. I’ll also be hosting the annual sports quiz again. With a bit of stubbornness from me and the usual generosity from the people of Felixstowe and beyond, I’ve no doubt we can get there.
If you’d like to support the challenge and the station, you can donate here: https://gofund.me/423695a86
And if nothing else, it proves the lad who once got beaten by a box of Topics is still here. Slightly lighter. Slightly quicker. Still lippy.
